god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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