someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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