Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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