I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize