It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize