dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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