I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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