Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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