Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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