I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
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Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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