I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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