i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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