i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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