Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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