Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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