so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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