you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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