it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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