I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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