Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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