Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize