i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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