none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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