It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize