Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize