HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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