So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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