we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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