i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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