i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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