maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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