you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize