Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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