i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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