glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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