At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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