im drinking this country out of the recession.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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