Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize