This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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