Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Randomize
Follow @tfln