i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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