For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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