I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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