I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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