If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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