Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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