Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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