And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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