i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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