My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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